Jan 21

Where is the love?

Every Thursday til the middle of May, I travel on the train to Leeds to do my counselling course, nothing ground breaking there, except to say that I don’t travel on trains very often so there is still a very *small* novelty value in it.

In the morning I find it quite pleasurable, sat with my iPad, headphones on watching the world flash by, occasionally imagining myself in a movie or wondering about the others travelling on the train, but the rush hour return is an entirely different experience, its rushed, cramped, no seats, no air and certainly no personal space.

Anyways that kind of sets the scene for what happened on my first return home from the course, I managed to get a seat at a table once the train reached Bradford and so many people exited, then the train just kind of stayed there, followed by an announcement that something had happened and we would be staying at Bradford station whilst they found out more information.

I carried on reading my book, others started shifting and grumbling, making phone calls to tell loved ones they might be late, nothing unusual there

Another tannoy message comes over, ‘there has been an incident at Sowerby Bridge and the train will be remaining at Bradford til further notice’ and there is an audible sigh of unhappiness, myself included, some take out their phones and try to figure out whats going on

Someone says ‘ its another f****** jumper I googled it’

‘what a w*****,’ says someone else

‘I cant believe another f****** jumper, what a selfish t***’

The same guy then makes a phone call and his end of the conversation went like this

‘yeah its me,…

I’m going to be late….

I’ve no f****** idea some f****** d***head tossed himself off a bridge…..

yeah I know it’s so f****** selfish, mind you one less d***head in the world can’t be a bad thing eh?’

I have to say I sat there completely aghast, I looked up at the man opposite me, a suited and booted chap, and he looked equally shocked, but seemingly everyone else then commenced similar conversations either with each other or on the phone

The man opposite me said ‘wow nice to see compassion is alive and well eh?’

I shook my head and searched for something to say to express my utter disgust and sadness at what was going on

The person who decided, for whatever reason, to take their life, who decided it was better to throw themselves in front of a train than exist another day, who took that life ending decision, was somebodies SON, perhaps someone’s HUSBAND, or BROTHER, or FRIEND or GRANDPARENT, he didn’t do it to inconvenience anyone, he did it as he couldn’t face another day on this planet

Regardless of what he did.. is he or his loved ones not entitled to some compassion or just simple respect?

Similarly when Amy Winehouse passed away the eternal mutterings from many were around ‘saw that one coming’ or about what a ‘stupid f***** up girl she was’ is it really ever right to value a life like that? she was someones daughter, loved.

Some might think suicide is indeed a selfish act, maybe some might have had similar thoughts in a similar situation, but really is it ever right to talk about someone in those terms, imagine if it were your husband or boyfriend.

Its more than likely that I’m more sensitive to this than some, as I’m developing my empathy and Unconditional Positive Regards skills for counselling but I’m truly shocked and saddened by attitudes sometimes and cant help but feel a bit disillusioned by the insensitivity and general lack of compassion we live with every day

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Posted in January 2012, Personal Learning Jounal

  • http://twitter.com/Bobbity666 Lou Strachan

    Human life is precious and although I think suicide is in some ways selfish without knowing the reasons behind why someone would make that choice I think I err on the more compassionate side. ¬†Suicide is illegal but if you have reached that point I don’t think it is about anyone other than the obviously very troubled person. ¬†I feel for those left behind to deal with the aftermath x

    • Anonymous

      Life is indeed precious and not to be treated with such lack of respect, so difficult for those left behind xx

  • http://twitter.com/claireejeffreys Claire Jeffreys

    There really are some ignorant people out there! Only someone who has never experienced depression, mental illness or unbearable inner torture can label those who commit suicide as “selfish.” What gives someone else the right to pass judgment without knowing the facts? Ooh it makes me angry! Great post, like reading something that makes me think. Cx¬†

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for reading and commenting, I agree the intolerance towards mental health is just outrageous in this day and age, but you only have to look at the young lad on twitter who got Sacked for having depression, to know ignorance and inequality is alive and well

  • Notmyyearoff

    That’s so awful. Last week a girl my friend knows (only 15) threw herself in front of a tram. It’s just so shocking. Those people must be at their most desperate and must be so completely isolated to feel like there’s no other way. It so scary that a person can feel like that.

    • Anonymous

      So awful, there was a 12 year old boy who killed himself about his month ago, so young and vulnerable it breaks my heart

  • http://jojokirtley.blogspot.com/ Jojosocalledlife

    nasty, nasty people. in many ways, they’re to blame.

    I would have had to say something. I find it difficult to be quiet. Once I had a massive argument because the bus driver wouldn’t let two women dressed her burkas on his bus. I proper kicked off. I hate public transport because you have to mix with such ignorant people sometimes and something always happens to me.¬†

    JoJo x

    • Anonymous

      I so wish I had now, I ended up getting off the train and getting a taxi home but it’s stuck with me for more than 2 weeks now and I so wish I had

  • Mrslolad

    The human race is so inherently selfish and self involved these days. It breaks my heart that this kind of reaction is the norm, and those who feel compassion, are treated with derision. 

    • Anonymous

      Just dreadful isn’t it, I just felt so sad, not only for the family of this man but for the state of society when this attitude is seen as acceptable

  • Chloe Brewer

    That is a truly disgraceful example of the world we live in. My mother’s aunt’s husband took his own life in this way. It is truly a sad thing and while an inconvinience to others perhaps their inabilty to see the depths of despair this man was in may indeed be a part of the problem that got him there. Hows that for humanity? Great blog by the way, now following x

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for commenting Chloe, I couldn’t agree more, that could well be part of what can tip someone over that edge, the current acceptable ‘dog eat dog’ society, people taking care of only themselves and not caring who they screw in the process

  • Shaz

    It’s a sad world we live in babe when people’s first reaction is dismay that they’ll be late for their tea, instead Of the thoughts for that person and the news their loved ones are receiving, how awful if all they have to worry about in life is whether their bangers and mash will reheat ok. Shame on them, I only hope those concerned never feel that desperation that jumper felt that day x

    • Anonymous

      It is indeed a sad state of affairs isn’t it, and a reflection of the me me me society

  • http://twitter.com/HelpfulMum A Mum

    The same incident affected us and I have to admit that my first thought was that my husband would be home late and wouldn’t get to see the kids. I didn’t spare an initial thought for the person or their family.

    • Anonymous

      Whilst you might have not thought of them initially, I’m pretty sure you wouldnt ever have thought to call him a f****** d***head though, that’s another thing altogether x

  • zoe barras

    My cousin committed suicide in 2010, I hadn’t seen him in a long time and he had a very troubled life but I was deeply upset by it all and it took me a really long time to come to terms with it. A friend’s brother recently committed suicide too and it brought it all back to me. Its sad really that they don’t get as much/any sympathy, I can’t understand how bad a place you must be in to consider that myself but if I’m totally honest, if my husband or children were all taken from me, (i know its pretty unlikely) i know I’d consider it. Sounds awful to say out loud¬†I know but its how I feel. Sad that the way we see someone’s suicide now is how it affects our own schedule and not how that person was feeling. Sorry for rambling, just a subject close to my heart at the moment.

    • Anonymous

      I have to confess I have had that thought, that surely the only thing that must stop a mother, like the McCanns case who lost Madeline, from doing it is those she would leave behind, I just don’t know how I would keep on going every day

  • Alli

    Sympathy seems to be limited when it causes inconvenience, such a sorry state of affairs.
    My brother attempted suicide a few years ago & he wouldn’t tell people he had because he worried about their reaction.
    When will depression be acceptable in society? I hope it’s soon!

    • Anonymous

      Me too Alli, depression is hard enough without adding shame into the mix xx

  • http://newmumonline.blogspot.com/ NewMumOnline

    People are so intolerant when travelling on public transport.  I can be and even was today but even I would never say THOSE things xxx

    • Anonymous

      I so get that people are tired and inconvenienced and just want to get home, but it does cross the line doesn’t it? Thanks for commenting Liska x

  • p russell

    Oh it’s so depressing to hear yet more evidence of how self-centred, critical, unempathic and unashamedly uncompassionate so many people are – I say unashamedly, people seem to wear these awful traits like a badge of honour! Notice how they were all talking loud enough for you to hear. How awful and upsetting to hear that someone was so desperate they would brave the pain and fear of an incoming train to have their one and only life ended – but that is people’s response. We no longer live in a community, we are like dogs, each for himself. I have a yahoo email and can’t read the yahoo popular news articles as they allow comments – which are utterly horrifying, mean, prejudiced, jealous, clearly from folk who think they are apparently flawless and mirror the thoughts of all those people you heard that day.
    You know, you wouldn’t have changed those people’s views just by saying something, it would have given them a chance to vent some more selfish tunnel- visioned views but this time at you. The only thing that changes people who have no natural empathy or willing to gain some, is life – honestly, it’s a shame but I’ve often thought how many old men (witnessed from all the years of patients) are so much wiser, level headed and kinder than their younger counterparts – wives, children, grandchildren, illness, tragedy, financial hardship interspersed with happy times seem to do the trick. Perhaps we humans are not deserving of happy carefree lives – we just haven’t earned the right! Glad there are folk like you in the world xx

  • http://anton1a-anintroduction.blogspot.com/ Anton1a

    Terrible sad to hear of someone’s end-of-life being viewed as such an inconvenience to another.
    I wonder whether some people are afraid to show compassion/ to look into emotions. It is a taboo subject and so difficult to imagine what goes thorugh the minds of those who do.

    I lost a family friend a few years back, and there have been two people in our extended family who have ended their lives. I was not close to them, but the impact is one of sadness and shock, and whenever I hear of something like this, I feel so sad for the family who live on and try and make sense of what happened, for the person who ended their life in such circumstances and for those who show such disregard for the desperation of others.

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