Today I got to do something that I would have never imagined I would do.
I got to write an address on an envelope.
Doesn’t sound like much really does it, writing an address on an envelope?
But see it’s a very special address
The sort of address that a person like me would just immediately discount as ridiculous, or a flight of fantasy to even consider
For those that don’t know – Im 38, mother of 3, wife of one, an average Joe, a middle of the roader, a failure at school – well not a failure but in a year group of high achievers I was bottom scrapingly average.
I left school after A-Levels, University was never on the agenda for me, even school told me so, as they dragged me through my exams kicking and screaming in horror.
I got a job and worked my way up, I started in Sales, earnt plenty, enjoyed the rewards, did a good job of it – even if I say so myself… it wasn’t all bad right up until it was awful,
The wheels fell off in spectacular fashion, depression and anxiety kicking my sorry ass on an unrelenting basis. A dose of therapy and anti depressants told me that my career in sales was over. I was lucky enough to have a husband who recognised that something needed to change for me and supported me through it, and that’s been no mean feat.
I applied for Uni, at 35, on a degree course for Counselling & Psychotherapy and was stunned, really flabbergasted that they took me on, when I look back at those early days I remember how terrified I was that someone would realize they had made a mistake and ask me to leave.
I worked hard and found many of my skills were actually transferable, my sales training, listening skills, presentation skills, proposal writing, responding and processing all available for me to re-use in a completely different guise.
I felt like I was home.
My marks were coming back in great shape and I found my natural niche, I was so invigorated and inspired.
Then in the middle of the 3rd year I figured I should probably get on and start looking at Post Grad Courses as I needed accreditation to be a counsellor, and I did, there were so many to choose from and I started looking wider…
And I thought…
’Why not aim high?’
‘Why not write that address on that envelope and see what happens?’
So I did, and I have, and now whether it comes back positive or negative it’s actually of little consequence, even if they open it and file it under B for Bin.
Why doesn’t it matter? Well the act of writing that application says something really important about me,
I’m back, confidence, self esteem, ability and will – all present and correct
Correction – I’m not back as I was never here before – I’m charting new territory and I’m not afraid of the rejection that might follow.
I’ve worked hard, I’ve proven I can do this and I’m good at it – there I said it – the result is immaterial
I’m proud of me and that address on that envelope is part of the recognition of how far I have travelled.
I’ve spent 35 years thinking I wasn’t very bright and wasn’t capable of much other than a job I fell into when I was 18 and now writing that address on there says otherwise.
I’m so blessed to have the opportunity to live this second life, and that’s what it feels like, a second chance.
I’m finally living by my motto – rather than just aspiring to be that brave
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”