Tagged: lucyslocket

Dec 02

Competition to win a Lucyslocket House Rules Wall Vinyl

Well to get Christmas off to a great start – I’m giving away one of LARGER Wall Vinyls – its in Charcoal Grey and the EXACT same version of rules as the one pictured below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its a WHOPPING 57cms wide by 100cms drop – thats EPIC size – and you can see it retails here on NotOnTheHighStreet for £57.50

 

Think how amazing this would look in your hallway or kitchen on Christmas Day, all your relatives around oo’ing and arr’ing at something so special

Its deadly easy to win it – and you can get 4 entries by following these simple steps

For one Entry – Subscribe to the blog via  Networkblogs, Google Reader, or RSS over here >>>>>>

For another Entry – Like my Funny LucysLocket FaceBook Page HERE

For another Entry send this tweet I’ve entered to WIN a Funny LucysLocket House Rules Wall Vinyl with @alysonsblog here http://alysonsblog.com/?p=2696 – RT to #WIN

Then just comment below to let me know which ones you did – thanks!

Competition will run til 14th December at  19.00 – to ensure delivery for Christmas – so get your entries in nice and early, winner will be chosen at random

If you would like your own custom version of the rules I’m offering the 44cms x 69cm version to all blog readers at a discounted price of £30 – this means you can define YOUR OWN RULES and get it in the COLOUR of your choice – its only available for the duration of the competition at this price so snap it up if you fancy your own custom rules for your home

Click here to add to cart – it will then show up on the top right hand side of the blog for you to checkout via Paypal [wp_cart:44cmx 69cms House Wall Vinyl:price:30.00:end]

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Posted in December 2011

Jan 15

Hire Me a Flatbed Truck

As many of you may know from my previous blogs, I havent yet been able to start my new job due to a bereavement, not on my side, but my new employer which has left me in a kind of limbo, our lovely nanny is taking great care of my daughters, better than I would to be honest so they are all happy and content, which leaves me days of free time (which I should point out I have been desperately craving for as long as I can remember) to do as I wish, whatever pleases me, so what do I do? nothing… I linger round the house like a spare part, I’m sure the nanny just wishes I would bugger off then she could be properly in charge rather than the kids keep running to me every 5 mins.

Dont get me wrong.. there are some things that I am simply LOVING being able to do alone.. the weekly shop for instance – for those of you without children you will never realise the sweet joy in being able to wander the aisle without a disappearing 5 yr old or a tired cranky baby, for those of you with children I know you are now closing your eyes and just imagining the ‘childfree shop’ mmmmmm lovely isnt it.

I went to a gallery and strolled round without a care in the world, I went for lunch with my mum without having to feed someone else first, I had a shower, yes a shower without rushing and actually managed to put my make up on which is a first for 2 reasons, firstly I put it on in the bathroom.. which I dont think has happened since 1992, and secondly I put it on (miracle in its own right) which again doesnt happen often apart for wedding christenings and funerals.

So yes there are distinct advantage to this limbo position but to be honest it all just feels a bit unnatural, its not normal for me to have time to myself, its not normal for me to think about me and not others first, its not natural to feel this free, so Iam like the caged lion that paced its cage day after day, year after year dreaming of the wild… then someone left the door open and the lion realised he didnt actually want to go anywhere anyway…

Work SHOULD in theory start on Monday but even thats still a bit of a maybe at the moment, so instead of seizing the day and wandering the aisles of the Traffic Centre… children free.. imagine!! I will sit inside gazing outside wondering about all the things I could be doing but wont be doing.. whats that all about!

So my husband called to day to tell me that the bonus that was going to pay for our trip to America isnt coming anymore, apparantly it never was,  he just made a mistake reading his bonus sheet, so am feeling pretty downbeat about that. We really need a family holiday its been a tough couple of years and as lovely as Wales is, for me I need some serious sun, a sun lounger and pool to feel like I’m on a proper holiday, so will have to see if we can raid the piggy banks to see what we can manage but I’m sure it wont be nearly so grand.

I do hope you are all sitting down – I am sure these words will be thrown with jest in my face for many a moon if I change my mind but……drum roll….. am thinking of packing in the booze, I read an article about Zoe Ball who has stopped drinking altogether, and about how much better she felt for it and her reasons why and to be honest I read it and thought about booze and its effect on me, anyone who knows me will tell you the I ADORE a Bombay Sapphire and Tonic as dearly as life itself.. probably too much, but is that a good thing relying on something to get me through ‘a bad week’ or a ‘bad day’ or just drinking for the sake of it like I do now?

I cant even imagine the amount of calories I have consumed through booze but I am guessing its worth a good fat ass and, apparantly a glass of wine (bar measure not my measure) is equivalent calories of a jam doughnut so the average 3 glasses I sink of an evening rocks up to 21 doughnuts a week.. thats outrageous..thats 1092 doughnuts a year .. if I keep that up I will be needing to remove the front wall to get me out and hire a flatbed truck to take me to the shops.. its not good. If you factor in my measures are so much bigger then I think I may be consuming all the doughnuts in the world mwahahaha

So this weekend I will be considering whether to quit the evil booze, if I do it then I plan to only drink at special occasions, so say Christmas or a Wedding or a birthday, I managed 9 months x 3 without booze so I know its entirely possible, anyways enough for now.. my G & T is waiting.. joke.. I will let you know what I decide to do when I decide to do it…

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Posted in January 2010

Jan 14

Mafiosa Style Incident

I have been looking for a sewing machine for a good while now, we cant find my old one and I must confess I think my husband may have thrown it away during one of his tasmanian devil clearing fits, although of course he denies all knowledge (a likely story). I happened to mention this whilst at my weekly art class to one of the lovely old ducks who then shushed me & took me covertly into the tea making area and told me that she has ‘contacts’…erm ok…

‘I can get you a sewing machine through one of my contacts’… erm ok..

‘call me at 9.35am on Thursday and I will see what I can do but say nothing to anyone else’… erm ok..

so was very puzzled as I left the class, my mind racing about what contacts a silver haired innocuous looking granny could have, thinking, maybe she knows a shoplifter, or something similar? So set a reminder in my phone to call at the prerequisite time, I made the call

‘meet me in the car park round the back of Colne (local town) at 11am today, don’t tell anybody’ …erm ok

‘reverse up to a shutter door and ring me 3 times when you get there..I wont be able to answer so just ring 3 times’ …erm ok

Arrived in Colne round back of said building at agreed time, reversed up to certain shutter door, rang phone 3 times, the shutter door starts rising.. I wait with baited breath to see Doreen stood there with a sewing machine

‘ open your boot, move move move’ …erm ok..

she loads the sewing machine in the boot

‘close the boot do it NOW’ … erm ok…

‘don’t speak to me just drive away’..

‘but I haven’t paid you or anything,’…

‘sort me out at the class, now GO’ and with that she disappeared under the already closing shutter door, leaving me stood there speechless and completely bemused. I drove away as ordered wondering what on earth had just happened and whether I should check out the sewing machine for drugs, or perhaps a stashed illegal immigrant.

I got a call about 45 mins later from the silver haired mafiosa style grandmother

‘hi’ she says ‘sorry about all that before’ 

I said, ‘well its fine but what on earth was going on?’

she says ‘I’m a volunteer at Help the Aged and we got this in last week, but there is always a massive demand so have been hiding it since you asked about it, they got spies you know… Help the Aged… we are all being watched, you know them cameras above the shop, well we are getting spied on’….

‘wow’ I said ‘what are they looking for?’

‘shoplifters’ she replied..’ we got ram raided the other day’

well I rolled laughing imagining a team of grandads and Nana’s ram raiding the local charity shop in a Honda Civic,

she said ‘honest its a nightmare I had one 90 year old stuffing clothes down his pants the other day’… when we challenged him he said ‘come and get em ladies’….

I couldnt breathe for laughing

 Thanks to Alex for this..PMSL its a brilliant clip from League of Gentlemen which she said reminded her of this when she read it

So the upshot is I got an entertaining day and an illicit sewing machine for £10 what a bargain.. also went to the framers to get my first piece of art framed and mounted, felt properly proud that something I did will be displayed on a wall and its something I am really proud of

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Posted in January 2010

Jan 13

Stepford Wives Move Over..

Today was the first day that I was officially ‘free’ to start work, ie the nanny started in her official capacity and was ‘sole charge’ as it turned out, due to a bereavement I didn’t get to start after all but thats another story. Today I watched a virtual stranger fill the gap of ‘me’ more than adequately infact I would go so far to say better than me, I lingered outside doors and peeked into windows to see the children and Sonya having a whale of a time, I had some stuff to do ‘childfree’ and came home about 4pm to find the children engaged in their homework!! whilst eating a healthy snack!! and chocolate milk!! all as Little Miss sat by being fed by Sonya, it was a bit of a vision actually, kind of how you imagine your day might pan out before you go and bugger it up, like the ideal of Christmas versus the reality of it.

Little Miss cooed and played and giggled and had a generally all round lovely day with a hugely attentive girl whose soul purpose was to keep her entertained whilst Iwas ‘busy’ she was having so much fun that she didn’t have a morning nap, and she didn’t get cranky for it either, she ate her lunch beautifully and went down for a lengthy happy nap in the afternoon without a murmur, whilst Sonya cleaned up, washed and sterilised bottles, put the children’s clothes away, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and put on the children’s tea.. I watched furtively feeling equally thrilled and gutted all at the same time.

So as Sonya went to collect the two older terrors I kept Little Miss home with me, a fact that let me tell you Little Miss wasn’t too thrilled about, the fun person just left the building and it wasn’t carrying her with it! So for the 3rd time I am resigned to being the ‘planner, organiser, disciplinarian, chief cook and bottlewasher’ well actually not the last 2 anymore. All my children see me just the same way and to be honest it naffs me off, I’m never the fun one, I’m the one telling them to ‘stop doing that or they will hurt themselves’ or ‘put that away please’

Its jealousy, or envy, or just plain over sensitivity, of course I know its superb that Little Miss took to Sonya so well, it could have been hellish if it were different, of course if all I were EMPLOYED to do was to keep a baby sweet, I could walk it, in fact as an au pair I used to walk it, but still how easily I am replaced just does sting a little bit. I’m sure it will be better when i don’t have to watch my baby have a lovely time without me, so when I actually get to crack on with the job, but its amazing isn’t it how guilt can get you from all corners, if its not guilt about not working and being a drain on my family, its guilt about abandoning my children to another woman who can clearly do it better than I can. Mothers guilt, it finds you anywhere and everywhere doesn’t it

So tonight my husband will be thrilled with the Stepford Wives scenario that greets him at the door, a wife with make up on (and its not a birthday, Christmas or anniversary) children, calm and fed, house clean and tidy, clothes put away, gas billed halved (see previous post), tea ready and sex on tap (as if that one’s gonna happen), whereas I will just feel like I have failed yet again, as I didn’t do it, and if I had have done it.. it wouldn’t have been half as good, I think this is called ‘damned if you do and damned if you dont’

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Posted in January 2010

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