As many of you may know from my previous blogs, I havent yet been able to start my new job due to a bereavement, not on my side, but my new employer which has left me in a kind of limbo, our lovely nanny is taking great care of my daughters, better than I would to be honest so they are all happy and content, which leaves me days of free time (which I should point out I have been desperately craving for as long as I can remember) to do as I wish, whatever pleases me, so what do I do? nothing… I linger round the house like a spare part, I’m sure the nanny just wishes I would bugger off then she could be properly in charge rather than the kids keep running to me every 5 mins.

Dont get me wrong.. there are some things that I am simply LOVING being able to do alone.. the weekly shop for instance – for those of you without children you will never realise the sweet joy in being able to wander the aisle without a disappearing 5 yr old or a tired cranky baby, for those of you with children I know you are now closing your eyes and just imagining the ‘childfree shop’ mmmmmm lovely isnt it.

I went to a gallery and strolled round without a care in the world, I went for lunch with my mum without having to feed someone else first, I had a shower, yes a shower without rushing and actually managed to put my make up on which is a first for 2 reasons, firstly I put it on in the bathroom.. which I dont think has happened since 1992, and secondly I put it on (miracle in its own right) which again doesnt happen often apart for wedding christenings and funerals.

So yes there are distinct advantage to this limbo position but to be honest it all just feels a bit unnatural, its not normal for me to have time to myself, its not normal for me to think about me and not others first, its not natural to feel this free, so Iam like the caged lion that paced its cage day after day, year after year dreaming of the wild… then someone left the door open and the lion realised he didnt actually want to go anywhere anyway…

Work SHOULD in theory start on Monday but even thats still a bit of a maybe at the moment, so instead of seizing the day and wandering the aisles of the Traffic Centre… children free.. imagine!! I will sit inside gazing outside wondering about all the things I could be doing but wont be doing.. whats that all about!

So my husband called to day to tell me that the bonus that was going to pay for our trip to America isnt coming anymore, apparantly it never was,  he just made a mistake reading his bonus sheet, so am feeling pretty downbeat about that. We really need a family holiday its been a tough couple of years and as lovely as Wales is, for me I need some serious sun, a sun lounger and pool to feel like I’m on a proper holiday, so will have to see if we can raid the piggy banks to see what we can manage but I’m sure it wont be nearly so grand.

I do hope you are all sitting down – I am sure these words will be thrown with jest in my face for many a moon if I change my mind but……drum roll….. am thinking of packing in the booze, I read an article about Zoe Ball who has stopped drinking altogether, and about how much better she felt for it and her reasons why and to be honest I read it and thought about booze and its effect on me, anyone who knows me will tell you the I ADORE a Bombay Sapphire and Tonic as dearly as life itself.. probably too much, but is that a good thing relying on something to get me through ‘a bad week’ or a ‘bad day’ or just drinking for the sake of it like I do now?

I cant even imagine the amount of calories I have consumed through booze but I am guessing its worth a good fat ass and, apparantly a glass of wine (bar measure not my measure) is equivalent calories of a jam doughnut so the average 3 glasses I sink of an evening rocks up to 21 doughnuts a week.. thats outrageous..thats 1092 doughnuts a year .. if I keep that up I will be needing to remove the front wall to get me out and hire a flatbed truck to take me to the shops.. its not good. If you factor in my measures are so much bigger then I think I may be consuming all the doughnuts in the world mwahahaha

So this weekend I will be considering whether to quit the evil booze, if I do it then I plan to only drink at special occasions, so say Christmas or a Wedding or a birthday, I managed 9 months x 3 without booze so I know its entirely possible, anyways enough for now.. my G & T is waiting.. joke.. I will let you know what I decide to do when I decide to do it…